Asking to Love; Not to Be Loved

Written by Miles Williams

There’s a prayer attributed to St. Francis of Assisi that goes like this:

Lord, make us instruments of your peace. Where there is hatred, let us sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where this is discord, union; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy. Grant that we may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen.

When I pray to God, my prayers are often not as selfless as this prayer by St. Francis. When I pray, I often ask for peace; rarely do I ask that I be an instrument of peace. When I feel hated, I ask to feel loved; not to love. When I receive injury, I can hardly find the capacity to ask that the one who has inflicted injury upon me should receive pardon in return. I often doubt too much to be a pillar of faith. I find it all too easy to despair because hope is often impossible. I’m often too consumed by darkness to even consider being a light. I’m often too sad to think joy could fill my heart. I want consolation. I want to be understood. I want to be loved. 

                My prayers often stink of selfishness. But why shouldn’t they? Christ has said, “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer” (Matt. 21:22, NIV). Why can’t I, and everyone else, ask for pardon, consolation, and love?

                Consider for a moment from whom we often receive pardon, consolation, and love. We ask God for these things, but God often uses people as His instruments for pardoning, consoling, and loving. St. Francis opens his prayer with “Lord, make us instruments…” He further closes with, “it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.” 

                It may be true that, “if you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer,” but Christ tells us much more than this. 

·        * 1 John 4:20, ESV:  If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.

·        * John 13:34-35, ESV:  A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

·        * 1 Peter 4:8, ESV:  Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.

·        * 1 John 4:7-10, ESV:  Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

·        * Romans 12:10, ESV:  Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

And I could quote many more…

                What is the point? It is far better to love than to be loved; far better to give than to receive; far better to forgive than to be forgiven. There’s a familiar quote by JFK that goes, “Ask not what your country can do for you, but ask what you can do for your country.” Christ seems to tell His followers something very similar: ask not what can be done for you, but what you can do for others. The Christian walk has nothing to do with demanding love; it is all about offering it to others similar to the way Christ showed love by dying on the cross for a world that only showed Him hatred and rejection in return.

                In the parable of the Good Samaritan, Christ tells the teacher of the law to “go and do likewise,” in reference to the love the Samaritan showed the Judean lying beaten on the side of the road. What we often miss with this story is that the Samaritan helps his enemy. What had this Judean, lying robbed, beaten, and half dead on the road, ever done for him? This Judean had more than likely spoken harshly of Samaritans, perhaps using some unsavory words, and he may have even insulted this very Samaritan at some point in the past. Nevertheless, the Samaritan man helped the person who likely would never have helped him.  He loved the person who likely hated him. 

                …Go and do likewise.

                Love someone, pardon someone, console someone, give to someone, and make peace with someone. Be an instrument. Consider what you can offer to those around you, not what they can offer you.